April 06, 2014

Okay, that's not entirely accurate.

Though I'm not going out of my way to get them, it does make me feel pretty special when a new one pops up on my Yelp mobile app. Here's a running tally of what I've 'earned' and the reasons.

Because, while I certainly don't need them, I do love those stinking badges.
True Yelper - You check-in and you write reviews about those places. You're a True Yelper, and we're proud of you.
This badge was for checking in and then reviewing at least 10 places. No sweat.

Master - Would you feel this iron grip handshake!  Now that's the thumb-strength of a bona fide check-in Master!  The question remains though: do you have what it takes to conquer the elusive and exclusive next level?  Few do.  Good luck, my friend, and may the Yelp be with you.
This level is for having 200+ check-ins. Next up is Yelpus Maximus for 1,000+. Somewhat shocking that I'm not there yet, but someday...
Baccus - You earned the Bacchus badge!  In vino veritas.  You certainty know your pinots.
While I wouldn't say I know my wines, I do like a pinot from time to time. More importantly, I like the places that serve them. Lot 2, Moonstruck Meadery and my many, many, check-ins at Fox Hollow all contributed to this great achievement. 
Barfly - Proust, compadre! You just earned the Barfly badge. Whether it's a highball or bottom shelf, you know just how to uncork this town. Now if you'll stop photo bombing the background of people's pictures, they'd appreciate it.
Just check into 4 bars. No problem.
Big Night - You know how you have those epic nights filled with good food and drink and assorted revelry?  You're having one.
7+ check-ins in a single evening. I used to remember the specific night this was, but have since forgotten because there have been several epic nights in recent years. Good times.
Brewed Awakening - You earned the Brewed Awakening badge!  Having a steaming cup of java before 8am makes you quite the coffee achiever!
Epic Big Night badges necessitate Brewed Awakenings. 
Carrot Top - Veggin' out never felt so good! Be it earthen or oceanic, your diet sans animalia deserves proper d├ęcor. We hope you brought your best molars and bicuspids, brothers and sisters. It's time to pump up the yams.
I do remember when this was earned, because ironically it was for multiple check-ins at Block 16, more than anything else. Don't have to be ordering vegetarian items to earn this badge... just frequent places that have good options. 
Conehead - Woo!  You earned the Conehead badge!  You clearly scream for ice cream.
This was for multiple check-ins at Ted & Wally's one summer when we had friends visiting and we ended up binging on ice cream several times, then going back to pick up free tickets to roller derby (and obviously getting MORE ice cream).
Maverick - Because ratings are overrated, because you go your own way - and because you'll never lose that lovin' feeling for your city's rugged good looks. You're dangerous. Yeah, dangerous... and there's a badge for that.
The Maverick badge is basically for checking in at places that have low average Yelp ratings. My favorite lower-than-average locations are DJ's Dugout and Mixed.
High Roller - Feeling spendy, Yelpy Warbucks! We present to you a badge to celebrate your wealth of fiscal accomplishments. And a congratulatory dinner in your honor, you request? Alright, but you're buying.
Desipte my many check-ins at TGP, the last three check-ins that led up to this were V. Mertz, 801 Chophouse and... wait for it... The Apple Store. LOL!
Meathead - Congratulations, carnivorous commando of this fair city. You've earned the Meathead badge! No bones about it. You kick it at the top of the food chain, where you don't have any neighbors... anymore.
I don't think of myself as frequenting steakhouses, but those check-ins do add up over the years. Place at Perry's (TX), The Strip Club (MN), The Drover (NE), JJ's (MO), St. Elmo Steak House (IN) and more. 
Mexi-Can - You earned the Mexi-Can Badge!  Just an FYI: a burrito is not a food group.
I love mexican, and Omaha has tons of good options. The annual Taco Tour alone nearly qualifies to earn this badge. 
Sharing is Caring - We know they lack your local knowledge, but you let your friends tag along and check-in with you. Sharing choice picks out of your black book of recommendations earns you massive karma points and this badge!
It's something like the Instigator, but 
the actions that lead to this badge are a secret.
Mobile Streaker - Oh dear, we are so scandalized... by your unwavering commitment to check-in every day! You should know this badge isn't big enough to conceal your well-endowed list of check-ins.
The description of this one cracks me up. It's apparently for checking in every day for a week.
Statesman - Whether by land, sea, air or quantum leap, you don't just get there; you arrive. You check in no matter your state (of mind). East Coast? West Coast? It's all the Best Coast.
Something having to do with checking in in multiple states. 
Soused - Wow!  You earned the Soused Badge!  Hope you've got your drinkin' pants on.  Even the most seasoned revelers would have trouble keeping up with you after 4 bar check-ins in one night!
I do remember when I earned this badge (ironically). It was St. Paddy's day 2012, I believe, and we were doing the Leavenworth crawl.  
Nighthawk - Cheers to a seasoned professional of all things nocturnal (AM's the new PM anyway, right?)  So, congratulations, sport! You're now clutching the Nighthawk badge.
Traveling late (and early) as well as visiting Localmotive contributed to this wonder.
Sushi Sensei - Bansai! You just earned the Sushi Sensei badge for recently checking in to 6 sushi restaurants. Just go easy on the wasabi.
Checking in at multiple sushi restaurants. They also changed the graphics of this recently. I definitely prefer the fish.
Crosstown Magic - Wow, from one 'hood to the next all in one day, you sure know how to get around!
I first earned crosstown magic for checking in at multiple places all over Denver. Thanks public transportation!
Instigator - You've just earned the Instigator badge! Ain't no bull (horn) about it, when you check-in somewhere, your friends follow.
This was for a couple of our original Yelp Omaha events, back before we were fancy with our own CM. Taqueria el Paisa and Saigon Surface.
Domestic - What some see as a chore, you see as a score!  Need it be laundered or grocered, gassed up, packed up or bought.  You get it done.  And for that kind of foxy moxy a badge... we dub thee: Domestic!
Funny, I don't feel too domestic most days. But there are times I go to multiple grocery stores in a single day. WF, TJ's, Wohlners and Hy-Vee.
Globetrotter - You earned the Globetrotter badge!  Your yelping knows no boundaries!
Airport check-ins. OMA, DIA, DFW, ORD, GRB, and MDW. 
Gym Junkie - Pump.  Stretch.  Sweat.  Must.  Not.  Miss.  A.  Workout.  All these check-ins definitely earned you a Gym Junkie badge.
Check-ins at 4+ gym locations. In my case, Farrell's eXtreme Bodyshaping locations in multiple cities. Got to work off that food somehow.
Geek - Brains will always be greater than brawn. Just because you can't crush a beer can between your powerful intellect and vast imagination doesn't mean we won't make a spectacle of you and your taped-up glasses. Wear this Geek badge proudly - perhaps coterminous to your vintage Batman backpack patch?
I knew this one was only a matter of time.
Global Domination - Whether it's coq au vin, pad see ew, bratwurst or some other worldly vittle, your taste buds are ready to conquer them!
This one also... only a matter of time. 6+ check-ins at restaurants with different international cuisines. Espana, Vietnamese Asian, Lalibela Ethopian, Hiro 88, Marrakech Gourmet, Ablerado's, Jaipur, Sultan's Kite, Three Happiness... I love them all. 
Happy Hour Power - There's a time in everyone's life when they achieve what no one can take from them... and that time is usually around quittin' time. You, like all savvy locals, know this isn't budget boozin'. It's a celebration - because life is aolid with liquid revelry.
Hey, it's 5'o'clock somewhere.
Glamorama - You earned the Glamorama badge! Looking this good is not just an art, it is an extension of your personality.
Not a badge I'd really plan on earning, since nobody I know would ever describe me as a Glamorama. But, you see, pedicures and hair appointments do add up.